Healing After Heartbreak: Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Explore one man’s honest recount of heartbreak, the profound impact of past relationships on his willingness to love again, and insightful advice on moving forward with hope and self-awareness.

I (M25) was in a relationship with a girl who was a very good friend of mine before we started dating. Unfortunately, we had to break up in 2019 after one year together. I have nothing but respect and love for her, and I hope she is doing well wherever she is.

Since then, I have not entered into a new relationship. I kind of avoided it, feeling like I lost all the energy to be with someone. I never felt like engaging in conversations with others.

Things continued like this for some years.

Meanwhile, I had a crush on one of my department seniors. I never had the courage to contact her; I always sought an excuse to interact with her. Then, the day came when I texted her for the first time because she posted something that somehow related to me.

We clicked right away.

We talked for a few months, texting and having late-night phone calls. We vibed so much, and I felt like I did when I first fell in love.

I thought about her all day long

Eventually, I confessed that she was my crush and asked her out. I should mention that when I confessed that she was my crush, she immediately denied it, saying I was too young for her. I was her junior in the department, even though our age gap was only a year.

Despite swallowing my male ego, I talked with her, went out with her, tried to be as romantic as possible, and sent her sweet notes every morning. I was like the man who would do anything for her. I was so simping on her, which I now regret.

After doing this for 3/4 months

I confessed that I liked her and had developed feelings for her. Unfortunately, she shut me down right away. Maybe from her perspective, she was right. I always try to look at the bright side whenever something happens.

But the effort I put into that, and the time I invested, really broke me down. I did everything within my reach to make her feel comfortable and change her mind.

It hurts a lot when you see that the other person is not reciprocating the same energy you put into it.

I am scared to be committed to someone now

I feel like whatever I do may not be enough. I miss my first love. It is not like I have not moved on; I have. But I feel like I will not find anyone who will love me like she did.

I have been asked out several times, but I could not go through with it. I have become tired of all these.

I know that I am a good person when it comes to treating women, but will my future wife receive the same treatment from me that I gave to the people I loved?

Does everyone deserve what they get?

This feeling makes me insecure about my future.

My experience with love has not been particularly good so far. Both of the fallouts were very unfortunate for me. So my advice would be not to fall in love with someone with whom you cannot be in it for the long run.

Our Opinion

Understanding what you feel is valid and common after experiencing such emotionally intense situations is essential. However, it is also important to recognize that each relationship and individual you connect with is unique. The fear and hesitation you are experiencing about future commitments reflect a self-protective instinct but may also prevent you from experiencing potential happiness and fulfillment.

First, processing and healing from your past relationships is crucial before moving into new ones. Acknowledge your feelings, learn from these experiences, and understand they do not dictate the outcome of future relationships. Personal growth and healing can sometimes benefit from professional support, such as therapy, to address commitment issues and fears.

Second, open communication and honesty about your fears and expectations with future partners can build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship. Remember, it is not about replicating the past or ensuring you give what you have given before; it is about creating something new that respects individuals’ needs and boundaries.

Lastly, try not to focus solely on the destination of finding someone who will love you in specific ways. Instead, concentrate on the journey of self-discovery and building relationships based on mutual respect, understanding, and care. Love is not a one-size-fits-all scenario; what you need and want can evolve over time.