Exploring the Emotional Dynamics of Relationships with Exes and Their Impact

Explore the complex emotional dynamics of relationships with exes through a real-life story that highlights trust, boundaries, and self-worth issues. Discover insights into the pitfalls of attempting to ‘heal’ a partner and the significance of healthy relationship principles.

It has been a while since it happened. I had a situationship for a long time. When it started, we just happened to have had a bad breakup from another relationship and were just ‘helping each other out.’

There was nothing serious for 6 months, and then I asked him to commit me.

Even if he did not want to be in a relationship, he needed to make me a commitment. He said he would think about it and let me know.

(I did not know he was seeing other girls back then.)

However, we fought daily because I suspected he saw other girls.

After a few days, he confessed that he could not take my past and see other girls.

Long story short

We tried to move on, but whenever we got excuses to see or talk with each other, we did.

He asked me for dates, but I said no because I knew he was seeing another girl even though he never admitted it.

Then, after a few days, he asked me if I could attend his cousin’s wedding.

I was so delusional that I thought he was not dating.

After we connected again at the wedding, he told me he was seeing another girl, but he could not move on from me.

At the wedding

We fell for each other again and knew it was bad.

So I asked him what he was going to do about the girl.

He said he wanted to leave her, but she would always be there no matter what.

I swear we both tried to move on. We both tried not to meet, not to hold our hands.

Eventually, for a while, we did, but we could not see each other with another person because we went through all the ups and downs together.

But I am not writing this because of us; I am writing this because of the girl.

That girl knew I was his ex

The girl knew he was in love with me. But she still permitted him to hang out with me because I got close to his family after the wedding, and now he could not cut me off.

And her friend told everyone that he described me as his sister.

My question is, “Is she dumb?“

How can someone’s ex be his sister?

How did you believe him?

She saw our close pictures and confronted him. He lied as always, and she forgave him.

She knew we often met and went to concerts, movies, and picnics together. We were almost always together.

She knew everything.

I told the guy to tell her the truth many times, and I know he lied to her. I cannot tell if he had valid reasons, but my question is, she saw everything and still told him that she could heal him.

It is not like he was using both of us. I knew he was dating, but there was no intimacy; they only do casual dating (meet and talk).

Also, I knew every time he met her where they were going and every detail.

But my questions are

Why did you let him do this to you?

Why did you let him meet me?

Why did you not tell him to choose only you when you loved him?

Why do you tell people that he cheated on you when you saw everything but still told him that he could hang out with me?

You made him the culprit when you made mistakes, too. I used to ask myself, ‘Why?’

Why was she doing this to me?

Why was she letting him treat her like his side chick?

I never got the ‘why‘ answer, but I deeply pity the girl.

My questions are not only for the girl. My question is for everyone who lets their partner meet their ex, let them talk to their ex.

Do they not understand?

You are the side chick, not their ex. How does someone know they cannot move on from their ex but still try to heal them?

You should know you are not supposed to heal them!!

Our Opinion

In this complex emotional terrain, it is essential to recognize that individuals often have diverse motivations and emotional capacities when involved in relationships that might appear unconventional or unhealthy to outsiders. From a psychological standpoint, the girl’s decision to allow her partner to maintain a relationship with an ex could stem from several factors, including low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, or a misguided belief in unconditional love that tolerates all circumstances.

Attempting to ‘heal’ a partner or entering into a relationship hoping to change them is a common pitfall. Relationships based on the premise of changing one’s partner often lead to disappointment and emotional strain. It is crucial to understand that healthy relationships require mutual respect, transparency, and commitment — qualities lacking in this scenario.

The concept of being a ‘side chick’ or permitting one’s partner to remain close to an ex, especially under dubious circumstances, underscores a significant lack of boundaries and self-respect. It is pivotal for individuals in such situations to reflect on their self-worth and consider what they truly seek and deserve in a relationship. This reflection is key to fostering more fulfilling and respectful relationships in the future.

Ultimately, every individual involved in this story would benefit from introspection and possibly seeking the guidance of a professional counselor. Such guidance could help them better understand their motivations, fears, and hopes, enabling them to make healthier choices in their relationships moving forward.