Unraveling the Truth: Confronting Deception in Modern Relationships

Explore the complexities of deception in modern relationships through a real-life story of betrayal and its emotional aftermath. Learn how to navigate feelings of anger and confusion and the importance of self-care and establishing boundaries.

3 years ago, I (26F) met this guy (30M). It all started as usual – we met, spent time normally, clicked a lot, and started going out. After going out for 2 weeks, he proposed to me by saying he was not in it for casual flings. I was impressed and started dating him for real.

He was everything I looked for. He insisted on going further with me, even talked about the future and marriage, and said this relationship was too good to be true.

I was becoming so into him. He even wanted commitment before making out. After being intimate with me, he expressed his love for me. But unfortunately (or fortunately), after two months, I found some red flags in him. We had some spats, stopped communicating and dating, and gave up on each other.

He wanted to end it with me more than I did, and I accepted that maturely.

After months of calling it a quit, we talked again.

Since then, we have had this on-again, off-again thing with each other. We have this weird tension between us that we cannot deny. We go out once or twice a month, vibe, and have moments; he initiates kissing, and afterward, we argue over past stuff, fight, stop, and repeat!

Whenever he sees me

He gives me this over-the-top emotional vibe. He says that he still sees our pictures from 2021, misses me, never gets over me, and that I am the best thing that happened to him. We could not work things out with our dating. I had no expectations regarding that, but he never stopped making me feel special once in a while!

But a few days ago, I got to know from someone that he is freaking married.

Getting to know that is pretty much a shock to me. When I dug a little deeper, I found out that he had been in a relationship for 9 years with the same girl and got married to her last year.

This information was a bit much for me, and I confronted him right away. But his tone turned around at 360°, and he accused me instead. He asked me why I was so obsessed with him and why I did not have a life. He also claimed I was interfering in his personal life by asking whether he was married!

He did not give me any solid answer and said he did not owe that to me. And then, I stopped the confrontation and got silent.

How is asking someone whether he is married or not an interference?

Given that marriage is legal, I did not find any proof of his marriage on his social media; I just heard about it from someone he knows.

If he gives me romantic vibes and flirts occasionally, should I not care if he has a wife?

I never would have gone out with him if I knew these.

Even having a girlfriend of 9 years, was it justified to date me, want commitment, sleep with me, and continue this on-off saga for 3 years?

I cut him off completely and would not talk ever again. But this situation has confused me, numb and angry.

Should I take any action or stay silent about this whole thing?

Our Opinion

Navigating through the turbulent waves of betrayal and deception, especially in intimate relationships, requires a blend of emotional intelligence and self-preservation. Firstly, it is important to acknowledge and process the feelings of confusion, anger, and sadness that inevitably arise from such revelations. These emotions are valid; allowing oneself to feel them is crucial in healing.

However, amidst the emotional turmoil, it is essential to recognize the importance of personal boundaries and self-respect. The fact that this individual concealed a significant aspect of his life—his marriage—indicates a serious breach of trust and respect. The foundation of any healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise, rests on trust, honesty, and mutual respect. When these are compromised, especially to such an extent, it becomes necessary to reevaluate the relationship and consider moving forward without this person in your life.

Taking action is entirely your decision, based on what you believe will bring you peace. Some may choose to inform the other party involved—in this case, his wife—as an act of solidarity with someone who might be unknowingly in a similar situation as yours. Others might find closure in quietly severing ties and focusing on self-healing. Whatever the choice, it should prioritize your emotional well-being and align with your values.

Lastly, engaging in self-care activities, seeking support from trusted friends or family, and potentially exploring professional counseling can offer comfort and guidance. Remember, healing is not linear, and permitting yourself to grieve this loss is part of moving toward a place of greater peace and self-awareness.