Am I Falling for My Boy Best Friend? Navigating Complex Feelings

Struggling with feelings for your boy best friend? Delve into a personal story of love, friendship, and complex emotions. Explore our insights on dealing with past decisions and moving forward responsibly.

Am I in love with my boy best friend?

So, this guy I have been friends with since school is the best guy I ever met. He suddenly went to the UK for his higher studies two years ago (I was in a serious relationship then). But my then-boyfriend did not like him because he used to think my friend liked me, so I had to cut him off before he left.

Whenever my boyfriend and I were on a break, we used to talk, and the energy was the same: no ego, no nothing.

Fast forward to last year

I broke up with my then-boyfriend, and that friend of mine came to my country, and we met and all. He also told me about this other girl he is into, but she did not want any relationship; she wanted to get married directly. She is very pretty, and I like her as a person. Now, keeping that aside, my “friend” used to hang out. I used to tease him with that girl, but he did not care about that and used to flirt with me.

Suddenly one day

We started cuddling while watching a movie, and it happened a few times more (no kissing, just cuddling and hugging, although he did kiss me on my cheeks and forehead a few times) because of the hit of the moment. After that, he became very serious about me, but I used to feel guilty and overthink that my ex used to think he liked me.

Moreover, I used to overthink that he might be two-timing with the other girl and me as I saw them going out (with other friends, not alone, like he and I used to go) and buying her flowers. However, he reduced meeting her after we got close.

Being the person I am

I started maintaining my distance from him. He got the whole thing with me, ghosted that other girl for me (I got to know it after), and tried to solve all other issues I had. But I told him clearly that things would not work out, and he accepted my decision like a mature person, though he was very heartbroken.

After that, he returned to the UK; I did not even go to the airport to see him off.

Later

He and that girl became close again, and we talked too like we used to before. However, it seems like he has no feelings left for me anymore. He is also planning to marry the other girl. I do not overthink what my ex used to think, and I am also happy for my friend.

But sometimes I am jealous, too.

I think I have started liking him again. Whenever he flirts with me, I tell him indirectly that I want to be the only one in his life, but he calls me his number 2 (sarcastically), which makes me very sad.

For your information

He is the gentlest and most mature guy I have ever known. The way he takes care of me and reassures me when I am sad or depressed is like no one else. He is always there for me in my bad times and guides me whenever I am wrong. I mean, he is my best friend.

I do not know what to do.

Is he giving me mixed signals?

I think I like him very much.

Should I take the initiative?

Or should I let it be and leave him alone with that other girl?

I mean, I did hurt him a lot. I do not want to hurt him again.

Please help me out!

What should I do?

P.S. I am also moving to the UK very soon, and that other girl is not planning to move from the country anytime soon

Our Opinion

You seem to be navigating a complex mix of feelings and past decisions that have influenced your current situation. Recognizing and respecting your friend’s current relationship and intentions to marry is essential, indicating where his commitment lies. If you truly value him as a friend, it would be wise to support his choices and seek to maintain that priceless friendship without complicating it with unresolved feelings.

However, if your feelings are too strong to disregard, consider having an honest and respectful conversation with him before you move to the UK. Express your emotions transparently, but be prepared for any outcome and prioritize your autonomy in choosing your life partner. Communicating without expectations and accepting his response, whether it aligns with your hopes, is integral.

Above all, ensure that your actions do not end up causing pain to any of the involved parties, including yourself. Whether you decide to speak up or step back, it is critical to do so with a clear understanding of the potential consequences and a commitment to act with integrity. If needed, do not hesitate to seek the guidance of a trusted mutual friend or a professional counselor to help you sort through your feelings and decide on the best course of action.