Understanding Red Flags in Relationships: A Personal Journey

Explore the signs of red flags in relationships through a heartfelt account of personal experience. Gain insights into navigating breakups, self-reflection, and confidently moving forward at age 31.

I recently broke up with my guy!

We dated for nine years. During these years, we experienced many ups and downs, but we stood up for each other and did everything we could to resolve the matters. It is worth noting that he struggled financially for about two and a half years. In these past 2.5 years, I have supported him mentally and financially as much as possible.

I even dropped my semesters to take him shopping and to different places to cheer him up. I supported him by sending monthly allowances and gifts on several different occasions.

None of my struggles mattered much, as I loved him a lot.

After he got his job

He started doing well financially. When my family fell into a mess, I had no other option but to get financial help from him a few times in small amounts as I did not have many friends to ask for help from. Later on, after a month or so, he made sure to make me feel low regarding it, as he thought that I exploited him for my family’s needs despite knowing his old financial struggles.

Even though he was sorry about it then, he eventually raised that topic again during our arguments.

In these nine years

I made sure to always be available for him both emotionally and physically. I used to listen to all his rants, but he did not have much patience or time to listen to mine. He was not quite available for me after he got into this job.

Later, he broke up with me, saying I gave my family too much time and importance instead of giving it to him. He also thinks I am too mature and practical as I do not show many tantrums like the other girls. He also thinks my weight will be a big issue for his social surroundings. Even my parents were taken aback once they learned about our breakup. They felt like they lost a good son.

Finally

I stood my ground and confidently broke up with him. Now that I look back, I do not know how to start again. I feel lost and demotivated. I do not have many friends, as I have dedicated my time to my family and him only previously. My parents have also been pressurizing me for marriage as I will be 31 this year.

But is marriage the only solution to my problems?

What if the guy I get married to turns out to be another red flag?

Will it be too bad for me if I take a break and get married after a few years, as I will be 31 this year?

Honestly, I also do not know what to do in a relationship

Did I stop him from mingling with others?

No.

Did I bug him or throw tantrums when he did not call me to say his byes at night?

No.

Did I cheat on him or break his trust?

No.

When I was at my best, he treated me like a queen, and now that I have gained weight, he thought of leaving me.

Was that his true intention?

I do not know where my fault was, honestly!

So, I want you guys to help me understand where I went wrong to make things go this bad.

Am I the red flag here?

Our Opinion

Self-reflection and introspection after a significant life event like a breakup can be crucial in personal growth. Still, it is equally important to recognize that not all relationship issues can be attributed to one person’s actions. In your quest to understand and possibly identify your shortcomings, remember that relationships are two-way, and both parties contribute to their dynamic. It is worth considering seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who can offer an objective perspective and help you navigate through this period of self-discovery.

Moreover, it can be wise to take a break instead of rushing into another commitment like marriage. This break can provide the space needed to explore your interests, rebuild your social circle, and rediscover individual passions that may have been neglected. It is also an opportunity to reassess what you truly want in a partner and life, setting a clear intention for future relationships.

Given your recent experiences, your concerns are legitimate, and your feelings of uncertainty are natural. Moving forward with intention and self-compassion will slowly reveal the best path for you. Focusing on personal happiness and well-being will attract the right situations and people into your life. Remember, taking time for yourself is not a sign of selfishness but a necessary step towards healing and future happiness.